I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
