you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
there is glitter all over my balls
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