I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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