He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
