My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
