Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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