Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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