Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize