So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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