Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
