4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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