If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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