i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
bring money and cleavage
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
