Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
