ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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