All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
