Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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