you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
