tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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