I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
