so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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