Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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