I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
