Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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