Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize