Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
