we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize