your parents love me but you hate me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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