Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
