I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
