The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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