I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
