So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
