yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
