i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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