fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
