new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
