he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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