i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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