I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
