arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
