grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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