tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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