Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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