So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
