I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
