I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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