you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
