There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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