They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
