My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
