it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
