So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
