just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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