The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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