I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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