I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize