I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
