You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i came on her dog
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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