A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
