so explain again why im purple
no
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
