The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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