he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
