You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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