every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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